The Secret to Serenity:

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.

-Dostoevsky

Fear is a funny thing. When we’re kids it serves a paramount purpose; to protect, warn, and guard. And then, somewhere after age 10, the need for self-preservation and protection arise and fear becomes an sheathed excuse for a myriad of programmed behaviors.

I was thinking the other day, wondering really, why it took me so long to sell one of my businesses; one that I’d long since tired of. The truth is, I didn’t want to let go. What would the new owner be like? Will I get a fair price? How will this impact my reputation?

So many fears. When the deal was finally done, not only was I relieved that my venture was in competent hands, I wished I’d sold it sooner.

This made me ponder: Are there other areas in my life where fear is at the reigns, tugging my head from one direction to the next? The next few days were spent in evaluation. Why did I live in my city? Why did I chose this career? If I truly believe that limits are boundless, am I spending my life the way I want to?

Sadly enough, I only answered a partial “yes” on the last question. When I decided to shine light into the places fear kept dim, I knew that the only career truly interesting to me in this moment is writing. Not just any writing, creative writing. I’ve started along that path by finding an agent, submitting to studios and even getting work here and there, but I’ve resisted by not clearing my day of incidentals. Making my schedule too full to focus my time was an excuse; it was fear manifested.

I’m now writing a book called “90-Days Without Fear.” The book will chronicle my change in thought process over the next three months and hopefully inspire others to not be afraid of living life outside of fear’s cloud.

Making decisions based in truth instead of a hundred What Ifs and Am I Sures is already proving challenging for me. It was only when I’d made a conscious decision to do otherwise that I’realized everything from why I spend time with some friends, to my work hours were impacted. I’ve also realized how fantastic I am at lying to myself. The line between rational fear and constructed fear seems thin at times and I am quick to use that as a crutch in sticky situations.

There is hope in the fact that no matter what spin I apply to a situation, my heart always penetrates my intent. If I’m trying to wiggle out of an opportunity for growth, I can feel it. I’ve heard it said that writing a book is as much a spiritual journey as it is literary. I look forward to every experience it will bring me.

“I have almost forgot the taste of fears.
The time has been my senses would have cool’d
To hear a night shriek, and my fell of hair
Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir
As life were in’t. I have supp’d full with horrors;
Direness, familiar to my slaughterous thoughts,
Cannot once start me.”
—- Will - Macbeth

Sometime this week, maybe it was at the grocery store when I touched the shopping cart handle…or perhaps it was when I opened the door at the post office, I caught a cold.

This wasn’t a little “sniffle sniffle, aren’t I cute, does anyone have a Kleenex” cold. I was floored. My throat burned, my eyes could barely stay open, and my sinuses felt like hot lava was running through them. I was even thisclose to alerting the local authorities to what I thought was a bird flu outbreak.

Yes, I’m being slightly dramatic, but it wasn’t pleasant.

The first day that I was sick, I woke up, looked at my computer, and dared it to make a demand of me. After all, I was sick. That means I don’t have to work right?

What is the difference between a reason and an excuse? After thinking about it for a few minutes, I realized that they both come from the same mother. While no one would fault me for taking a day off to recuperate, something didn’t feel right about it. And besides, the fact that I had the energy and the clarity of thought to debate myself was an indicator that I was probably well enough to accomplish something great that day.

My conclusion was that I was looking for some rest and felt like the only way to get my boss (me) to grant it, was if I was sick. I decided that I want my days off to be healthy ones so that I can fully enjoy them so as soon as I feel 100% better, I’m taking a beach day.

Last week I went stag (solo) to a small business networking event in Los Angeles. This mixer was no prom night, but I still felt a little self-conscious being alone.

Who would I whisper in the corner with if things got dicey?!

I was dreading the introduction period where everyone goes around and gives their 30-second commercial, stating who they are and what they do. Without a wingman to start the laughter at my jokes, I felt exposed.

But something interesting happened.

As people introduced themselves and let us into their lives and hearts, I began to feel my inhibitions melt. As I felt the invisible connections develop between the strangers around me, I stopped thinking about my speech, my accessories, and my issues.

On the long freeway drive home, I thought about the paradigms of Dependence, Independence, and Interdependence.  I used to think Independence was the highest goal a human being could achieve.

I’ve finally realized that while independence and a strong sense of self are important, being able to collaborate with and function within a group is a priceless skill. It’s not just about Me. You, Them, and Us are excellent personal pronouns as well.

Now that I understand this, I should petition to have my “Does Not Work Well With Others” removed from my third grade transcript…

I ran cross country for a very short period of time in college. During that very traumatic stint, I learned something about how drastically one’s perspective can alter their physical and mental states.

Allow me to illustrate:

Imagine that you’re running down a street. You’re in a marathon surrounded by other serious joggers. Everyone is sweaty and tired; all that can be heard is the steady breathing of the athletes and the pounding of expensive running shoes on cement.

With each hit of the pavement, your legs feel weaker. Every gasp for air feels like fire racing down your dry throat. Your chest aches and your arms feel as if weights are dragging them toward the ground. As you look ahead for any sign of the end, you see a sign: 4 miles Completed, 10 miles To Go.

How did you feel as you read that?

Defeated, is the word you’re probably looking for.

As entrepreneurs, our workday is never really over. We don’t clock out at 5 o’clock, whistle as we walk to our cars, and drive away leaving the office behind. Our lives have the potential to become one never-ending workday.

Even though we love what we do, the result of running a constant work marathon is feeling as if you’re always on mile 4 of a 10 mile race.

Some call it burnout.

Imagine you’re running that race again. You’re just as tired, just as thirsty, and your body is screaming at you to give up.Now, what if the sign you saw read: 11 Miles Completed, 2 Miles To Go.

I am willing to bet that upon reading that, you’d feel an instant burst of energy and resolve to power toward the finish. You might even hand out a high-five or two.

When I’m working, I organize my To Do’s into mini-projects that I know I can complete. I allow myself the euphoria of crossing the finish line several times a day because of my simple change in perspective.

I also concentrate more on “making things happen� than “getting things done�. The phrase “getting something done� implies that completion is the highest goal in any arena. Are we rushing through life in order to get it done?

Can you imagine a 99 year-old saying “Yes! I’m almost done! Ha, I beat you guys.�

This isn’t to say that you should leave your desk a shrine to a load of half completed tasks; that would create a stress of its own. Just be sure to enjoy the process of whatever job you are doing and if it is truly grueling, invent your own finish lines to alter your perspective.

When you take joy in creating and the creation, even the toughest work will just seem like a hill temporarily blocking your view of the most beautiful of sunsets.