The Secret to Serenity:

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.

-Dostoevsky

Fear is a funny thing. When we’re kids it serves a paramount purpose; to protect, warn, and guard. And then, somewhere after age 10, the need for self-preservation and protection arise and fear becomes an sheathed excuse for a myriad of programmed behaviors.

I was thinking the other day, wondering really, why it took me so long to sell one of my businesses; one that I’d long since tired of. The truth is, I didn’t want to let go. What would the new owner be like? Will I get a fair price? How will this impact my reputation?

So many fears. When the deal was finally done, not only was I relieved that my venture was in competent hands, I wished I’d sold it sooner.

This made me ponder: Are there other areas in my life where fear is at the reigns, tugging my head from one direction to the next? The next few days were spent in evaluation. Why did I live in my city? Why did I chose this career? If I truly believe that limits are boundless, am I spending my life the way I want to?

Sadly enough, I only answered a partial “yes” on the last question. When I decided to shine light into the places fear kept dim, I knew that the only career truly interesting to me in this moment is writing. Not just any writing, creative writing. I’ve started along that path by finding an agent, submitting to studios and even getting work here and there, but I’ve resisted by not clearing my day of incidentals. Making my schedule too full to focus my time was an excuse; it was fear manifested.

I’m now writing a book called “90-Days Without Fear.” The book will chronicle my change in thought process over the next three months and hopefully inspire others to not be afraid of living life outside of fear’s cloud.

Making decisions based in truth instead of a hundred What Ifs and Am I Sures is already proving challenging for me. It was only when I’d made a conscious decision to do otherwise that I’realized everything from why I spend time with some friends, to my work hours were impacted. I’ve also realized how fantastic I am at lying to myself. The line between rational fear and constructed fear seems thin at times and I am quick to use that as a crutch in sticky situations.

There is hope in the fact that no matter what spin I apply to a situation, my heart always penetrates my intent. If I’m trying to wiggle out of an opportunity for growth, I can feel it. I’ve heard it said that writing a book is as much a spiritual journey as it is literary. I look forward to every experience it will bring me.

“I have almost forgot the taste of fears.
The time has been my senses would have cool’d
To hear a night shriek, and my fell of hair
Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir
As life were in’t. I have supp’d full with horrors;
Direness, familiar to my slaughterous thoughts,
Cannot once start me.”
—- Will - Macbeth

“Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers… Layabouts… Slug-a-beds! Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.” -Monty Burns, The Simpsons

Quoting from an animated series, no matter how successful the run, would probably seem juvenile to many people. Now that The Simpsons movie has grossed $132,029,148 as of today, juvenile doesn’t seem half bad, now does it?

Mr. Burns, the owner of Springfield’s nuclear power plant, is complaining in the above quote the laziness of his workers. His frail, corrupt, little form stands as a monument against mediocrity.

I was thinking about the “M” word this week. I was going to post about “winning attitudes” and the sort, but honestly, it all sounded too cliche and saccharine to bear. Most people know by now that their thoughts dictate their behaviors which lead to their situations. Enough said.

Back to the big M. Mediocrity. Procrastination. Corner Cutting. All spawn of the same condition: Laziness.

During my college commencement ceremony, the valedictorian gave a speech about excellence. While the speech itself was contrived and peppered with predictable quotes (like most of the sort), I probably should have paid more attention.

Since I was a child, my work ethic could be described as lofty ambition with a touch of half-ass. Whether it was a 7th grade cardboard rendition of the Spanish missions or my literature review on the correlation between autism and thimerosal in children’s vaccinations for Statistics 301, I never really gave 100 percent.

Hell, I didn’t even give 60 percent. 50, on a good day.

And I still did well. My teachers would always make some comment about paying closer attention to formatting or instructions, or they’d scribble a comment about “unused potential,” but it didn’t matter to me. I still made A’s and B’s. In college, I even developed a formula (composed of Red Bull and Skittles) that allows crammed study material to enter one’s long-term memory (patent pending).

Fast forward to real life.

Last week I was preparing to submit a script of mine to a producer. This wasn’t just any submission. I was submitting a script of a TV show to the producer of said show. I knew it was a big deal.

The comedic script was pretty good. Everyone who read it laughed, or LOL-ed, if you’re under 30. But deep down inside, I knew that I’d cranked it out in my typical fashion. While it wasn’t a first draft, I knew it wasn’t tight. It wasn’t fine quality. It wasn’t the best I could do.

In that moment I confronted the mediocrity that I’d let rule for so many years and said simply, “Sorry, you’ve got to go. The stakes are too high.”

We’re not talking gold stars or pats on the back from professors anymore. This is my career. I knew it was time to care.

I spent the next 72 hours analyzing scripts of the show surrounded by the scripts of the show I had in my posession. I made outlines. I counted jokes, scenes and transitions. I wrote, deleted and rewrote.

It reminded me of how I feel when I’m in the dead center of a grueling spinning class; silently cursing the peppy little waif instructor and hoping she chokes on her headset.

And just as every exercise class must dismiss, I was done. In front of me was a completed project that I could be proud of. Probably not perfect, but it was good.

Yesterday I spent an hour on the phone with an award-winning screenwriter who’d read my work. He told me how to improve and none of his tips included anything “speedy.” He emailed me a few of the scripts he’d been working on and as I read them I thought, “So this is quality. I can do this.”

It took 24 years, but I finally realized that I’m not above the work. It’s possible to get a 4.0 and even a good education in college without breaking a sweat. I did it. Life is different. There are times when being a quick study pays off well and times it does not at all.

That is one of the reasons that I’ll only do what I passionate about. If I’m going to put in blood and tears, it has to be for love.

“The only difference between where you are right now, and where you’ll be next year at this same time, are the people you meet and the books you read.� — Charlie “Tremendous� Jones, author of Life is Tremendous

Networking is one of those buzz words that means different things to different people. For some, it means packing into a mid-level hotel banquet room over Evian and crackers and for others it means typing feverishly on message boards (being sure to always use the correct emoticons).  I’ve even met people who gauge their networking abilities by how many business cards they’ve passed out in a week.

The terms is probably astutely defined in a dictionary out there, but I have my own definition.

I’m networking when I’ve given someone who has the power to assist me with my goals, the desire to do so. Simple.

My short and sweet definition has saved me time and energy. I used to wholeheartedly believe that networking was when I made a connection with anyone; meeting, greeting, and getting my name (or my businesses name) out there.

Now I put my interactions into three categories:

1. Networking: Connecting for the purpose of establishing a symbiotic relationship that helps me reach a goal

2. Support Team: Connecting with individuals with similar goals for the purpose of mutual support and cheerleading

3. Intimate Network: Friends and Family

The problem with not knowing what category you’re in or should be at any given time, is that you’re not meeting the people that can make the difference between your career/business accelerating or stagnating. My mistake was that I thought I was networking when I was really making friends with people who didn’t have the resources or connections I needed.

Making friends is fun, and I make time to nurture relationships that are valuable to me, but effective networking can make or break your business.

If you haven’t read Jeffery Gitomer’s Little Black Book of Connections, get it on Amazon today. He breaks down networking to a “T”.

This year has been a big one for me in terms of making connections. One thing that I’ve learned through trial and error is that in any situation, when asked the age old question, “What do you do,” take four words to explain where you are now, and six to explain where you want to be.

People can only help you reach your goals if they know what they are. As fabulous as applause feels for where you are, think of the future when connecting.

Last month I was talking to someone asked me about my business. Instead of going into detail about the sale of a couple of them, I told them about my new focus: my writing career. Well, people know people who know people and in less than a week I had a literary agent. That is networking.

Before I attend any event I evaluate the purpose. Going to a mixer for the sake of mixing and chatting, isn’t a good use of my time. That’s what movie night with the girlfriends is for.

If there is one thing that I know, having a packed schedule and being busy is not an indicator of productivity and upward movement. You can break a sweat from digging trenches just as fast as from making true strides. Leave the trenches behind!

I’ve been avoiding blogging because the idea of creating a post for the remaining four principles seemed so tedious. But then I thought, “Why not just list them, Bunmi? It’s your blog.” Wow. Sometimes I blow myself away.

Success Principles 2-5

5. Create Systems: Recognize the difference between creating a business system that can work independently, or semi-independently from you, and a job. E-Myth by Michael Gerber is the best book on the market for learning this.

4. Do What Makes Money First. I was in Kinkos one day and saw a book entitled Never Read E-Mails in the Morning or something to that effect. I didn’t buy the book (who buys books at Kinkos?), but I understood the gist of it. Our days are full of opportunities to waste time on seemingly productive activities like pushing papers and emails. Business owners who don’t make sales calls, or whatever else brings in the cashola, first will suffer money crunches.

3. Prevention and Planning. This principle sounds boring and it is. There is nothing sexy and fun about planning, but so many business owners are operating without mission statements or a long term strategies. Prevention has to do with nipping emergencies in the bud by not ignoring warning lights. Just as your toner will run out just as you are printing materials to present to your biggest client, the things you ignore will punish you. If you feel tension in your office, don’t look the other way until your best employee walks out. I lost the best graphic designer I ever had because I didn’t take his little hints that a better paying employer was wooing him. I would have happily paid the difference and more, but I was slow to the punch.

2. Remove Your Ego. Entrepreneurs have a tendency to make their business a reflection of their self-worth. This works out wonderfully when things are going well, but the second they don’t, the results can be traumatic. When I ran an online magazine my freshman year of college, I had a very hard time delegating tasks to my team because of how I internalized the success and failures we experienced. My do-it-all solution ended up burning me out leading to the sale of the business. Once I learned that my businesses are lifeless entities that I can emotionally separate myself from, I felt more at ease to be creative and take risks.

That’s it! I operate by these principles every day and they’ve served me well.

I love Thursdays. That sounds strange doesn’t it? We’re used to hearing people rave about Fridays and Saturdays for obvious reasons. There are even weirdos out there who love Sundays (I get the blues).

Who, besides partying college students, (it was called Thirsty Thursdays when I was among them) love Thursdays?

Every Thursday evening there is a massive Farmer’s Market in my city. People come out from behind their laptops, leave their cars in the parking lot, and actually mingle. For a split second I forget that I live in auto-centric-my-double- soy-hazelnut-latte-better-be-done-in-four-minutes southern California.

Among the organic radishes, locally harvested honey, and cheap bags of kettle corn, one can find calm and community.

On my way home from the market, I stopped at my friend’s children’s boutique. As she packed up inventory, we talked about how easy it is to get so caught up in your To Do list that you forget about your To Be list. Socializing becomes networking and relaxing is only for recharging.

I think women are naturally social beings, so we don’t typically become islands. It is my tendency to become a peninsula with one event linking me to the local community.

Right now, the farmer’s market is my isthmus.

It’s time to branch out. I need to find another connector to the people closest in proximity.

Maybe I’ll sponsor a little league team..through my business of course.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably an entrepreneur. I mean, there probably are people who read Entrepreneur and other business magazines because they are exploring the possibility of launching a business, but in most cases, they’re already there in some capacity.

You’ve most likely come to terms with the risk that comes with foregoing the faux-security of a regular paycheck by now. You may even relish the end of the quarter crunch and laugh in the face of those who question when you will get a “real job.”

I’m there with you.

But not so fast.

Even in the world of crazy, daring entrepreneurs, it is possible to become too comfortable and peg yourself in a position of no growth or reinvention.

In the past two months, I realized that I’d created a persona for myself that I didn’t want to be for the next 15 years. It was fun for a season, but there are so many things I want to try and do. I’m so lucky to have seasoned, successful mentors that encourage me to branch out and go wherever my curiosity and genius takes me.

So what’s the next adventure for this serene entrepreneur?

I just started a production company with another crazy and talented business owner and am thrilled to be doing something new that stretches me and casts me into a whole new spere of influence. I’m also submitting a screenplay to the Austin Film Festival as well. How random is that?

Perhaps it is important that we do something every now and then that is completely “random”.

If we only ate foods that we already knew we would like, would this Nigerian American have ever tried gnocchi? I think not. And did I like it? Oh yes.

Of course I won’t abandon my current beloved businesses. That’s why creating a system is so priceless. When the daily operations are clear, anyone can run it while you frolic in the pastures of your creative mind.

I look forward to sharing my adventure with all of you!

If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be too cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. -Annie Dillard, writer

We all experience The Moment.

It’s happes when, after a long day of buzzing around, talking, buying, meeting & greeting, you are finally in bed.

The Moment is what I spend my entire day preparing for.

It’s that important. It happens after my stomach is satisfied from dinner, my body is refreshed from a shower, and all I’m required to do is relax between my soft sheets and wait for it.

It happens right after I mentally relive a few interactions from my day and right before I think about what tomorrow might hold.

The Moment is when a flash of truth judges your day’s actions.

It doesn’t take place in inner dialogue. It’s completely silent actually; you just feel it.

When I’ve had a good day and my actions reflected my goals and values, The Moment is one of bliss and peace.

When my day has been a lost battle of “busy-ness�, pressure and competitiveness, and short-sighted behavior, the Moment feels like a sentence has been handed down by a stern judge.

My businesses require me to make hundreds of decisions, big and small, a day. Do I engage in a partnership with this company? Will I advertise with this one? What is the best use of these funds?

I don’t obsess about always making the perfect choice.

With each mistake recognized comes experience, right? What’s important is making choices that you can happily live through The Moment with. Choices that reflect not only who you are, but who you hope to become.

“Enrons� don’t happen overnight.

They are the product of a series of ignored Moments of warning and truth.

So when you ask me to make a choice, be sure that I’m pondering that short but paramount time between 11:35-11:36pm so that I will be sure to sleep peacefully.

I ran cross country for a very short period of time in college. During that very traumatic stint, I learned something about how drastically one’s perspective can alter their physical and mental states.

Allow me to illustrate:

Imagine that you’re running down a street. You’re in a marathon surrounded by other serious joggers. Everyone is sweaty and tired; all that can be heard is the steady breathing of the athletes and the pounding of expensive running shoes on cement.

With each hit of the pavement, your legs feel weaker. Every gasp for air feels like fire racing down your dry throat. Your chest aches and your arms feel as if weights are dragging them toward the ground. As you look ahead for any sign of the end, you see a sign: 4 miles Completed, 10 miles To Go.

How did you feel as you read that?

Defeated, is the word you’re probably looking for.

As entrepreneurs, our workday is never really over. We don’t clock out at 5 o’clock, whistle as we walk to our cars, and drive away leaving the office behind. Our lives have the potential to become one never-ending workday.

Even though we love what we do, the result of running a constant work marathon is feeling as if you’re always on mile 4 of a 10 mile race.

Some call it burnout.

Imagine you’re running that race again. You’re just as tired, just as thirsty, and your body is screaming at you to give up.Now, what if the sign you saw read: 11 Miles Completed, 2 Miles To Go.

I am willing to bet that upon reading that, you’d feel an instant burst of energy and resolve to power toward the finish. You might even hand out a high-five or two.

When I’m working, I organize my To Do’s into mini-projects that I know I can complete. I allow myself the euphoria of crossing the finish line several times a day because of my simple change in perspective.

I also concentrate more on “making things happen� than “getting things done�. The phrase “getting something done� implies that completion is the highest goal in any arena. Are we rushing through life in order to get it done?

Can you imagine a 99 year-old saying “Yes! I’m almost done! Ha, I beat you guys.�

This isn’t to say that you should leave your desk a shrine to a load of half completed tasks; that would create a stress of its own. Just be sure to enjoy the process of whatever job you are doing and if it is truly grueling, invent your own finish lines to alter your perspective.

When you take joy in creating and the creation, even the toughest work will just seem like a hill temporarily blocking your view of the most beautiful of sunsets.

Life has a way of expressing philosophical principles in the everyday if you are paying attention. I experienced a poignant and somewhat comical lesson in intentional living just a few days ago. One of the reasons I advocate calm living is because if I had been rushing around like a madwoman, this pinnacle moment would have eluded me.

When my husband and I bought our house last year, the only thing that excited me more than finally having an at-home office was the large backyard complete with luscious grass, an orange and lemon hybrid tree, and plenty of space for gardening.

I’d never gardened in my life and the only time my thumbs are green is when I’m eating pesto, but the thought of nurturing seedlings to fruition excited me.

The day after we moved in, I went on a spree at a Home and Garden store to gather the paraphernalia I’d need for my “living off of the land� fantasy. Two hours and a long receipt later, I had my supplies.

I’d decided to start my garden with Swiss Chard not because I love greens, but because of how pretty the deep crimson stalks contrasted with the dark green of the leaves in the starter plant. And it was on sale.

I carefully dug holes, wet the ground, laid the starter plants in the ground, and covered them up. On the days I remembered to water, I did so with the utmost care.

One evening when my husband and I were prepping for dinner, he had an idea, “Hey, what about that chard you planted? We should try it.�

“Um no, maybe another night,� I responded while pulling my store-bought romaine out of the crisper.

We had a few more interactions like this, my husband trying to make use of the garden and be rebutting his efforts, before he stopped trying entirely.

What I’d overlooked in my garden planning, was choosing a plant that I’d actually want to eat.

Many weeks later my toddler and I were playing in the backyard when I happened to glance at my blossoming vegetables. The greens had quadrupled in size since I’d bought them and the healthy thick leaves could barely be contained in the area designated.

As I stared, I felt a twinge of silliness. Here I had taken the time to plant and nurture something that I didn’t even really want!

I was so consumed in the idea of planting that I’d forgotten about the inevitable day of sowing.

In our daily lives we are always either planting seeds or sowing the results. When seeds are planted haphazardly, or without thought to the fruit they will bear, sowing is a mournful process full of regret and avoidance.

When we are collecting the sweet produce that comes from careful planning and decisive action, life is good.

I learned a lesson that warm afternoon and I hope you’re learning one now. Know what you want and plant accordingly.

You may just have to eat it later.