The Secret to Serenity:

“The only difference between where you are right now, and where you’ll be next year at this same time, are the people you meet and the books you read.� — Charlie “Tremendous� Jones, author of Life is Tremendous

Networking is one of those buzz words that means different things to different people. For some, it means packing into a mid-level hotel banquet room over Evian and crackers and for others it means typing feverishly on message boards (being sure to always use the correct emoticons).  I’ve even met people who gauge their networking abilities by how many business cards they’ve passed out in a week.

The terms is probably astutely defined in a dictionary out there, but I have my own definition.

I’m networking when I’ve given someone who has the power to assist me with my goals, the desire to do so. Simple.

My short and sweet definition has saved me time and energy. I used to wholeheartedly believe that networking was when I made a connection with anyone; meeting, greeting, and getting my name (or my businesses name) out there.

Now I put my interactions into three categories:

1. Networking: Connecting for the purpose of establishing a symbiotic relationship that helps me reach a goal

2. Support Team: Connecting with individuals with similar goals for the purpose of mutual support and cheerleading

3. Intimate Network: Friends and Family

The problem with not knowing what category you’re in or should be at any given time, is that you’re not meeting the people that can make the difference between your career/business accelerating or stagnating. My mistake was that I thought I was networking when I was really making friends with people who didn’t have the resources or connections I needed.

Making friends is fun, and I make time to nurture relationships that are valuable to me, but effective networking can make or break your business.

If you haven’t read Jeffery Gitomer’s Little Black Book of Connections, get it on Amazon today. He breaks down networking to a “T”.

This year has been a big one for me in terms of making connections. One thing that I’ve learned through trial and error is that in any situation, when asked the age old question, “What do you do,” take four words to explain where you are now, and six to explain where you want to be.

People can only help you reach your goals if they know what they are. As fabulous as applause feels for where you are, think of the future when connecting.

Last month I was talking to someone asked me about my business. Instead of going into detail about the sale of a couple of them, I told them about my new focus: my writing career. Well, people know people who know people and in less than a week I had a literary agent. That is networking.

Before I attend any event I evaluate the purpose. Going to a mixer for the sake of mixing and chatting, isn’t a good use of my time. That’s what movie night with the girlfriends is for.

If there is one thing that I know, having a packed schedule and being busy is not an indicator of productivity and upward movement. You can break a sweat from digging trenches just as fast as from making true strides. Leave the trenches behind!

Paris Hilton was released today. Phew! I’m relieved. Now I can go on living. I’m so glad that Michael Moore was bumped from CNN so that she could speak to America about her ordeal. I mean, the rapidly collapsing health care system can wait. I need to hear Paris.

In all seriousness, the last 24 days the heiress has been in jail have truly changed how I do business.

Last night I got an email from a business associate asking me about a press release I sent out awhile back. I used to have regular releases sent out putting an interesting spin on every move my business made. My goal was to get press, and it worked. Every now and then a magazine or online publication emails me asking for a quote and of course I happily comply.

The highest form of press right now is Oprah. Oooh! Now if I go on Oprah, that will really mean I’m big, right? Wrong.

It wasn’t after Ms. Hilton began to appear regularly on the nightly news (right in between war updates and fire warnings) that I began to ask myself, “When did being famous become a reason for being famous?” which led to “Why do I want press?”

I sat and thought. I couldn’t come up with a reason so I reviewed my one-year, five-year, and ten-year plans. No dice. I went over my business and personal purpose statements to find clues. Still nada.

Nothing in my plans are dependent or even helped by media coverage. My real estate portfolio, my business financials…neither of those seem to care how many people know about them. I recently leased out two of my ventures, but even when I still operated them I noticed that press coverage led to a large wave of new people. The people only stuck around whenI had something truly of value to offer them.

I came to the conclusion that I’ve been indoctrinated into thinking that being noticed equals success. It has been easy for me to “play business” because journalists never know what questions to really ask. Revenue? Sure I can tell you that and you’ll be impressed by what a 24-year old can do. Accolades? I’ll tell you that too. But what would a serious, seasoned entrepreneur ask of me to really know where my business stood. They’d want to see my assets, my debt, my liabilities, my future projections, my payroll, my financial records…yikes.

I’ve been too easily flattered. It’s easy to get applause when you’re in front of the wrong audience.

This week I made a decision to not play around anymore. My goals have changed. My audience has really changed. When I want to know if I’m doing a good job in my business I’m not going to comfort myself with an empty list of press mentions. I now imagine showing the core of my ventures to a panel who could ask me the hard questions. What Would Michael Gerber say? or WWMGS?

While meeting Oprah personally would be great, being on her show is no longer on my list right now. When I’m 35, retired (that’s the plan folks) and have benefitted the world through my endeavors…then I’ll go. I’ll go to inspire someone to do the same.

While I don’t think there is anything wrong with press mentions regarding my biz, I’m not going to use them to gage my success. The Paris in me has left the building.

PS. In response to emails from readers who think it is impossible for someone to invest in California, New York, or anyone other relatively high priced market….then start somewhere else! Long before my husband and I could buy a house in California we were able to find real estate in more reasonable markets. Plus, investing doesn’t always mean outright buying of a property. You can “bird dog” (find properties for investors and get paid a fee) or look into assignments (getting a property under contract and finding a buyer). Find someone in your area who is on the path you want to be on and ask for help. Go to the library. Talk to agents, brokers, and loan officers.

If you’re at all concerned about the price of organic lemons or FTC dealings, read on.

Amidst much controversy, Whole Foods has announced an agreement to buy Wild Oats for $565 million, or $18.50 per share. Well, Wild Oats and Whole Foods can kumbaya all they want, but the champagne will remain uncorked indefinitely. Even though the deal seems amicable, the FTC has put up a huge stop sign by filing suit on antitrust grounds.

Only someone living under a rock could deny how fast the natural foods/organic sector has been growing over the past few years.

I read somewhere that it went up approximately 22% last year. Living in California, I’m in the heart of the “go natural” phenomenon and have created an organic household for myself. And because I buy what I live, I’m a Wild Oats stockholder as well as a patron.

Back to the FTC. Government lawyers are accusing Whole Foods of not playing fairly and in essence trying to rule the playground by buying the sand. Whole Foods claims that Wild Oats is just one small fish in a large natural pond and that because major chains like Wal Mart are going semi-crunchy, they have plenty of healthy competition.

In my opinion, both sides have pretty lame arguments.

First, the FTC. Is buying your competition really a no no? The 1,400 Cingular- the new AT&T commercials I’ve seen today indicate otherwise. And what about Microsoft (okay, they’ve been in the naughty corner) and Oracle? It boggles my mind that the FTC would care about these two companies merging.

“If Whole Foods is allowed to devour Wild Oats, it will mean higher prices, reduced quality and fewer choices for consumers.� - Jeffrey Schmidt, director of the FTC’s bureau of competition.

Wow. Those are strong words. Whenever a public figure uses colorful words like “devour”, I feel like they’re trying too hard to sell me on something or sway me with emotional verbiage. It isn’t possible to know exactly what the outcome of the merger will be so I’m not sure why Schmidt is speaking in such definitive cause and effect terms. That’s so 1984.

I feel like I’ve heard that exact quote before, just with Whole Foods and Wild Oats replaced with the names of other companies with proposed mergers. Weird.

What is the FTC really worried about? A out of control Whole Foods monopoly wherein people are forced to smuggle organic apples in from Canada? Seriously? Yahoo! reported that a Whole Foods/ Wild Oats merger would make up 11% of the natural foods sector-11%! That’s less than I tip at The Coffee Bean!

Next up, Whole Foods. Their main argument is that they’re not “gobbling up their competition” because of how many other (much larger) grocery store chains they have to compete with.

“The FTC has failed to recognize the robust competition in the supermarket industry, which has grown more intense as competitors increase their offerings of natural, organic, and fresh products, renovate their stores and open stores with new banners and formats resembling Whole Foods Market,” says John Mackey, chairman and CEO of Whole Foods.

I giggled when I read “new banners”. A billion dollar corporation is afraid of some Kinkos generated 25′ by 25′ banner? Muahahahaha!

C’mon now. The people who walk up and down the textured marble at Whole Foods to buy $4 lettuce are not the same ones buying Earth’s Best Organic Baby Food at Walmart. Whole Foods is pretending not to understand that there is an entire culture and value system that goes along with the shopping experience. Every CEO worth his or her Rolex knows that people are never buying things, they’re buying feelings.

Yes, Albertsons has bought some earth-toned paint and stripped their linoleum flooring, but do you really think Whole Foods shoppers are banging down their doors? No. There are three main natural foods stores in my neighborhood, Trader Joes, Henry’s (owned by Wild Oats) and Whole Foods. I am a little nervous about about the implications of the merger. I think Mackey should acknowledge the power his company has and not hide behind “Oh, but we’re so tiny compared to the big box stores.”

I like Greg Mays’ quote much better.

“While we disagree with the FTC’s position and believe it is without legal and factual merit, we are confident that, once presented with the facts, the court will agree that this merger is pro-competitive,” said Wild Oats CEO Greg Mays in a statement.

This is what it comes down to: Where is Whole Foods’ home? Do they play in the larger food industry, or are they an exclusive citizen of “All Natural” town? Can the two ever be truly separate? Are they regulated by the same entities/watchdogs?

Perhaps the FTC should do a poll. They should set up a booth outside of every Whole Foods and ask people how often they go to mainstream chain grocery stores. After, they could do the same at Ralphs.

So who should win? I don’t know, but it’s fun to watch.

In all seriousness, I think the deal will go through with some penalty or price cap attached. The yard monitors don’t want people to stop playing, they just blow whistles to let you know they’re watching.

I had an email conversation with Nina, our lawyer blogger, this week that was truly eye opening. We were discussing our businesses, success, and woman entrepreneurs when she shared something with me. As it turns out, women don’t seek out angel investors as often as their male counterparts.

Anyone who has run a business for more than three seconds knows that underfunding is one of the #1 reasons that businesses go under. Why then would women not seek capital as from willing investors at the rate of men?

I was at a networking meeting last week. A woman mentioned to me in passing how much she charged for her consulting services: $150/hour. She was a bright, articulate, talented woman and a leader in her field. I asked her why she was charging so far below market and she just smiled.

There is a lot of talk in the woman business world about the trials of competing in a “man’s environment”, and I think it is all crap.

The greatest problems facing entrepreneurs today are the ones they create themselves. A lack of vision, a lack of creativity, a lack of focus, a lack of integrity…those are what cause businesses to fail. If anything, I feel as if being a woman business owner is a huge advantage. The SBA makes grants specifically available to me, many large corporations set aside specific numbers of contracts to award woman business owners every year, when I succeed I’m given a high five for “beating the odds”. I’m lucky.

This month I switched gears from my current ventures (which I’m leasing out) to my writing career. In a matter of one week of diligently concentrating on my intentions (and faithful networking), I was offered a great writing contract in L.A.

Every piece of energy wasted complaining about circumstances , real or imagined, is a missed opportunity to move one step closer to your goal. When I find myself seated at a pity party for one, I just say three really simple words: Get over it.

Everyone, I mean everyone has an example of being treated unfairly in business. I’m grateful when sharks expose their true intentions by acting ruthlessly. It gives me clarity so that I’ll know not to do business with them in the future. If they are with a company I need or really want to work with, I’ll just go above their head and find someone else to deal with.

When I examine individuals who have truly done very well over time in business, they always have two things.

1) Competency within their industry and about general business practices (ability to read financial statements, hire great people, etc.)

and-

2) A strong sense of personal responsibility/ An internal locus of control

What happened to the whole “hear me roar” mantra?

PS. This week I’m reading Prophecy by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter. It’s an amazing book and far more important than the series finale of The Sopranos or Paris Hilton’s next move.

Sometime this week, maybe it was at the grocery store when I touched the shopping cart handle…or perhaps it was when I opened the door at the post office, I caught a cold.

This wasn’t a little “sniffle sniffle, aren’t I cute, does anyone have a Kleenex” cold. I was floored. My throat burned, my eyes could barely stay open, and my sinuses felt like hot lava was running through them. I was even thisclose to alerting the local authorities to what I thought was a bird flu outbreak.

Yes, I’m being slightly dramatic, but it wasn’t pleasant.

The first day that I was sick, I woke up, looked at my computer, and dared it to make a demand of me. After all, I was sick. That means I don’t have to work right?

What is the difference between a reason and an excuse? After thinking about it for a few minutes, I realized that they both come from the same mother. While no one would fault me for taking a day off to recuperate, something didn’t feel right about it. And besides, the fact that I had the energy and the clarity of thought to debate myself was an indicator that I was probably well enough to accomplish something great that day.

My conclusion was that I was looking for some rest and felt like the only way to get my boss (me) to grant it, was if I was sick. I decided that I want my days off to be healthy ones so that I can fully enjoy them so as soon as I feel 100% better, I’m taking a beach day.

We all experience The Moment.

It’s happes when, after a long day of buzzing around, talking, buying, meeting & greeting, you are finally in bed.

The Moment is what I spend my entire day preparing for.

It’s that important. It happens after my stomach is satisfied from dinner, my body is refreshed from a shower, and all I’m required to do is relax between my soft sheets and wait for it.

It happens right after I mentally relive a few interactions from my day and right before I think about what tomorrow might hold.

The Moment is when a flash of truth judges your day’s actions.

It doesn’t take place in inner dialogue. It’s completely silent actually; you just feel it.

When I’ve had a good day and my actions reflected my goals and values, The Moment is one of bliss and peace.

When my day has been a lost battle of “busy-ness�, pressure and competitiveness, and short-sighted behavior, the Moment feels like a sentence has been handed down by a stern judge.

My businesses require me to make hundreds of decisions, big and small, a day. Do I engage in a partnership with this company? Will I advertise with this one? What is the best use of these funds?

I don’t obsess about always making the perfect choice.

With each mistake recognized comes experience, right? What’s important is making choices that you can happily live through The Moment with. Choices that reflect not only who you are, but who you hope to become.

“Enrons� don’t happen overnight.

They are the product of a series of ignored Moments of warning and truth.

So when you ask me to make a choice, be sure that I’m pondering that short but paramount time between 11:35-11:36pm so that I will be sure to sleep peacefully.